(~*one of my all time favorite renditions of this song…)

i know.  its been a LONG time since i’ve written.  i’m so sorry.  its been a combination of being busy, to being busy, to being busy.  i probably wont be able to write as often for a little bit longer, but once i get things moving again…i’ll definitly try to be more consistent.

well…as some of you know…last week was a really difficult week for a lot of us.  my dear friend, sam, passed away at the age of 32years.  so…*life…the title of this blog.  i could take it in so many different directions.  we all are inevitably going to die sooner or later.  i’m not trying to be all morbid, but its a fact, right?  so why is death so hard for all of us to accept?  is it our selfishness of wanting to keep people around longer for our own emotions?  is it because we want just a little more time to say what we never said…heal old wounds…make more memories?  when i was holding sam’s hand at the hospital…the only thing running through my head was *why you?  out of all of us…why you?*  i just could not wrap my brain around the idea that of all the people we knew…why was sam the one who was chosen to go first?  my answer…shifts everyday…but the one thing that keeps coming back to me is this…*because only sam couldve left a firm message for those of us who remained here a little longer; only sam.

sam was a very healthy guy…worked out all the time, due to his tae-kwon-do teacher status…loved his wife, family, and friends with a genuine heart.  at the height of 6′4, with an intimidating build, he had an old, loving soul…and the wisdom of the kind of people you usually meet toward the end of their lives.  i can honestly say that sam is one of the very few people in this world who is just simply *true.  during the days we saw him laying in his bed, without any brain function…all of us were filled with a rollercoaster of emotions.  to get a sense of how impacting this man was…i’ve never seen more grown men cry for another man, ever.  men who never usually break down…were breaking down left and right.  his wife and mother…both incredibly strong in faith and love…were the ones smiling and telling us not to worry, when they both had just lost the biggest part of their lives.  it was an amazing journey of faith…faith…faith.  the faith that sam was doing what he always does best…makes us see the bigger picture…and the bigger picture is that we may be here now…but everything can change in an instant.  so do not be afraid to live *your life…do not be fearful to just *be.  and always remember the power of friendships…love…and a genuine heart.  God couldnt have picked a better messenger than sam…to have rocked all of us so intensely.  that is *why…it was sam.  at least in my heart…thats what i will believe.

that cliche…*life is short.  isnt it so true though?  elena, sam’s wife…told us that sam had missed us all and couldnt wait to see us this upcoming weekend that he was planning to visit in maryland to see his niece for the first time…and to celebrate his father’s birthday.  all of us have been too busy to take the time out to meet friends we havent seen in a while…to say *i love you to family, because we just assume they will always be there.  i hope that with sam’s message…everyone will be able to see things a little bit differently.  stop wasting time on such things that are irrelevant in life.  and just remember…that *life is so over-rated.  its *love that makes things last…for more than a lifetime.

we were all in sam’s hospital room at one point, his wife, mom, dad, brother, and a handful of close friends.  although we were told he was *brain-dead…we spent days and days talking to him…laughing and crying.  but there was one pivotal moment that will remain in our hearts.  as we were all calling out his name and telling him to *wake up…his mom leaned over and said to him…*dont you miss me?  i couldnt wait to see you.  i can see you now, but dont you want to see me?  we’re all here…didnt you say how much you wanted to see all of us?*…and it happened.  we all saw sam’s eye *twitch.  it was the last time it ever twitched…but we all saw it.  and it doesnt matter why it happened or how it happened…*it happened. so, we’re going to take it and run with it. he knew we were there with him…and we know he will always be with us, watching over us…until its our turn for *us to see him again…<3

so…here’s a question of debate. does everyone need to have every piece of the *perfect puzzle in order to be completly happy with life? this conversation came up a couple of times in the past week…so i wanted to write about it to see what you thought. for me, i think my puzzle pieces are jumbled right now cuz i’m still not certain in what i want to do with my career or future children. but if everything else is working for me…do i really need that *perfect job to make me happy? is that really *my perspective on happiness or everyone else’s? thats rhetorical by the way…i already know my own answer. haha. on the flip side…one of my dearest friends has an amazing career ahead of him, with a phat salary already in place…but then he says to me, *but at least you’re married. so are we always going to compare what each of us have vs dont have…and size up our happiness? hmmm…i’m not sure.

i also had this conversation recently with an awesome woman and friend who lives here in chicago. she said she loves her life and doesnt need a man to make her happy. i completly believe her…but wonder if that *perfect man comes along…could she be even happier? i could ask the same question pertaining to a marriage. if a couple is happy without kids…would kids necessarily make things better?

i wonder sometimes if we psych ourselves out to believe that we’re happy with our lives, or if its really true. my answer…i think its a little bit of both. to a certain extent…i think we instinctively have to justify where we are in our lives and how we feel about it in order to make ourselves be okay with it. i dont think anything’s wrong with that. but i think we are *psyching ourselves out…when and if we start to settle. you know…that whole *comfort thing. the pieces of the *puzzle usually include~career, marriage, kids, friends, white pickett fence…dog named spot…right? at least for the most part. but whose to say that someone with all of those things is happier than someone with, lets say 2 out of 6? or 1 out of 6? we cant say…cuz the only person who knows is our individual selves. i personally think someone is capable of being happy with less or all of the puzzle pieces…as long as its uniquely *your* picture. what i mean by that is…i think everyone has their own interpretation of what makes them happy…and what is important to them vs less important. not everyone will be happy with a career…but not everyone will be happy with kids either. i think we all have to keep judgement of people’s lives to ourselves and stop assuming people’s happiness rates on our own scales. i was quite disturbed when one of my friends was judged by a group of other moms for choosing to be a *working mom, rather than a *stay at home mom. i hate when people make judgement about that kind of stuff. obviously there is no right or wrong answer cuz everyone has their own opinion on really personal matters such as that. i just wish people like that would keep irrelevant stuff to themselves. people should know what types of opinions are tasteful vs not. but i guess everyone’s entitled to say what they want.

okay…to challenge what i just said though…i know that there are some people who settle for things and just accept it as *if its meant to be, it’ll happen. okay…one thing i know is that things just dont *happen. things take effort. everything takes effort. i’m not saying that everyone needs a boyfriend/girlfriend…or that perfect job…or dog. but i’m saying this…if you always knew you wanted something…but havent found it, and are just accepting that you’re *happy w/ your life or *its not meant to be…i think you’re wrong. thats where i hope everyone will not just accept their lives as being *complete minus 1 puzzle piece*…and start to focus on whats important to you and maybe make some positive choices to finish your full potential. nothing’s ever too late. whether its going back to school or choosing to start a family…or making an effort to meet new people…if it was importance to you once…it will always be important to you. i’m kinda, okay not kinda…i’m really lacking sleep…so if this blog doesnt make any sense…sorry. hahaha…if anything…i hope you can just take this out of it…*we always knew what we wanted out of our lives, ever since we were younger. dont settle for anything less than what you always pictured for yourself. only you know what you want…no two dreams are the same…so find your puzzle pieces, and dont mix them up with anyone else’s.

~*a.

…recently, my dear friend, pauline, sent an email about barack obama. now, i’m definitly not a political buff. if you ask me about the war, healthcare, social class, etc…i can only tell you things on a personal level of what i believe in. i cant tell you how i would ever address things from a *political* stand-point. i think thats why i never really cared about politics. sorry to say…but to me, for the times i voted, i was never inspired by any of the candidates. war, no war….abortion, no abortion…sure, i understand the logics.

this time, i truly think we have a melting pot version of candidates. we have the well groomed, well versed guys…who are extremely intellectual…we have a woman, who obviously is one of the smartest women we’ll ever know…and then there’s barack obama. honestly, when i read about him…and of course learned about him on miss oprah’s show…i was so inspired. but…to go against a lot of what my friends believed i would do…*which was follow the oprah bandwagon and support obama just because she did….*i never got the obama-bug. and here’s the truth of why…God’s honest truth…

barack obama inspired the hell out of me…to the point where i could see him as a father, a husband, a friend. but…from the harsh realities of this world…i started to think he was *too nice or *too hopeful in this type of society we live in. he reminded me of one of those people, you know…*where its nice to be so hopeful and inspiring…but nice never gets you anywhere. i’ve tried to live a life of being patient and kind to others…but as the years go by…i realized i lost a lot of that in me~as a *survival mechanism. in the harsh realities of life, sometimes, you have to have thick skin…or be cold, in order to get what you want. you see it all the time…people who you know arent the nicest people in this world…who always tend to do as they please….and seem happy along the way. the whole idea of things not being fair in this world…is a fact. for the most part, those who are rich…will remain rich…those who are poor…will remain poor. isnt that how we’re supposed to believe this society works?

i started to accept the harsh realities of life in the past few years. i started to believe that maybe it really is the people who look out for themselves…who will get far in life. my mother, is the most generous person in the world. i dont think i’ve ever met anyone who gives as much as her. even to people she doesnt know. when i visited her recently…i found myself yelling at her…and telling her she needs to get *cold. i blamed her for me letting people take advantage of my *nice-ness…saying i didnt want to turn out like her. i was saying this out of the frustration of seeing her struggling…and yet still worrying more about everyone than herself. i didnt want my mom to lose herself for the sake of others. i was so angry…at her, this cynical world…and the people in it. but true to her form…my mom smiled and said she loves helping people. it makes her happy, as if its her purpose…and she would live this life the same exact way if she had to do it again.

she was right. we need more people like her in this world…we need change for the better. it was my mom, who inspired me, the same way barack obama did. and for those of you who think its inevitable for me to vote for barack due to oprah’s endorsement…i’ll leave you with this thought. i love maya angelou…maybe as much as oprah…and she is endorsing hillary clinton. when i saw maya angelou on tv, it made me think of one of my most favorite quotes of hers that i used to live by. this particular quote…*one person speaking the word of God…is the majority*. it was then, that i realized it was okay to believe in barack obama. so it was ms. angelou…who is endorsing hillary…who inspired me to vote for obama…who is endorsed by oprah. *full circle, i guess. again, not to get all religious on you…but my point is…one person is enough to make a huge change in this world. i believe it…no matter who you are. and so, even though i’m fearful to see a man who uses *hope…as his foundation for change in this type of world…he’s standing for everything i believe in…and that is exactly what i truly feel this world needs.

i’m not writing for political reasons…thats not my intention. i’m writing because i really was inspired by barack obama’s positivity, determination…and foundation. we need change in this world. everyone i know, including myself…is turning colder and colder by the minute. i hate when people say things like *dont get upset. get tougher skin. situations like this will make you stronger.* i understand, but i never agreed with those ideas. i see some people who lie…getting higher positions. people who can *play the strings of this world…and talk their way out of anything…getting where they want to be. its frustrating to anyone who is trying to live a decent life of truth and honesty. but through my friends and family, i’m realizing that those who really are loving and hopeful…will always win in the end. whats wrong with being vulnerable. being true to yourself. being true to your emotions and standing for things such as hope? its when we start to grow numb from who we once were in our purest states…that we end up defining our lives through worldly things. you see it all the time…its all around us. who we think we should be…how we think we should live…and how we think we should even think. barack obama changes all that for me…and has the courage to say we can make a difference in this world…and it starts by believing that hope in itself, can do phenomenal things…*we can do phenomenal things…*yes, we can<3

~*a.